Happy Holidays & Sorry About the Genocide Pact I'm About to Sign!

I'm in Copenhagen, Denmark right now for this.

It's the final day of negotiations, and I don't think any of us knew what to expect exactly. I know that we certainly didn't expect that our leaders would magically & suddenly grow a conscience and throw traditional political deal-making protocol to the wind in favor of saving humanity. But maybe we dared to dream a bit . . . maybe we thought that our vigils, our protests, our actions, our pleas, the mountains of emails that have been pouring into our electeds' inboxes that poor little interns have to sift through . . . maybe we thought some of that would help them aim a little higher, at least pretend to respect human life, no, ALL life, enough to make a real deal and save our asses. Maybe we thought the science would convince them.

While the final text has yet to emerge from the clusterfuck that is COP15, all signs (including world leaders' orations this morning) point to a treaty that will facilitate the impending apocalypse. Most notably, POTUS Barack Obama, once hoped to swoop in as a last-minute game-changer, stood in front of a microphone today to deliver a flat, uninspired speech confirming the US's laughable carbon emissions reduction targets: 17% by 2020, and 80% by 2050. Perhaps out of embarrassment, he didn't even bother providing the baseline year for those targets, but we'll assume that it's consistent with earlier reports - 2005. For those of you whose eyelids are drooping at the numbers, I'll sum it up quickly by saying that that we need to commit to reductions of 40% below 1990 levels by 2020 to stabilize the climate and not threaten the lives of millions of people around the world.

So, when just about an hour later I received an email from Organizing for America, the group of dedicated organizers who brought you the Presidency of Barack Obama, I was a bit puzzled. Were they apologizing to me already?

Nope. They were sending me a holiday card. From the President. Who just told me through a live stream from the heavily guarded Bella Center that he's like, totally okay with displacement, hunger, lack of water, resource wars, and death for millions of people on the planet.

"Happy Holidays, Persian Girl!" was shouted to me by groups of friendly Americans from around the country in a montage, before I was treated to a special appearance by the Big O himself, wishing me Happy Holidays & signing a card made out to me.

Possibly they're wishing us happy holidays now because they know they may only have a few more years to do so before we're dead of some climate change related affliction? Happy Holidays indeed.

Labor Day

There are a LOT of things I could say about the “political” happenings of the past few weeks, which greatly intensified in the past few days. But I think the most important thing is:

Congratulations, Glenn Beck. Your ass is showing. As is the flabby, pasty ass of the entire Republican party.

You see, while the rest of us (you know, the majority of the country, the 75% or so who think you are a waste of space) are understandably upset this weekend, we also have renewed hope. Because we know the reason that you and your cronies started this schizophrenic smear-campaign against our friend Van is because we are winning. You’re shaking in your Men’s Wearhouse trousers and you don’t even know the half of it.

You see, if you thought taking out Van was going to be any kind of success, you were sorely mistaken. Because supporting Van and the movement for creating a just and sustainable economic system and combating climate change is an army of smart, savvy, trained leaders and organizers who are carrying out the work all around the country. Under-resourced? Absolutely. Exhausted? Definitely. Still determined? You betcha. And this pathetic demonstration of your fear of Van and everything he symbolizes has just emboldened us. We know that you only knew part of the story and that you were already terrified. Imagine if you knew the whole truth – that our movement has gone viral.

The good news for you and for all of us is that our win will not compromise you and your quality of life. Progressives by definition are working toward a better world for ALL, in contrast to conservatives who consistently work to oppress the “other.” So even though you make this game difficult for us (yes, all of you, even “nice” conservatives who support oppression via silence and apathy), when we win this seemingly uphill battle, you will not be left behind. We got you.

Holler at me in a few years. I’ll be the one growing tomatoes and harvesting rainwater. You’ll be the one with a useless pile of paper money and a Jesus fish on the back of your rusted SUV. I promise I’ll resist the urge to laugh in your face, and instead will share my bounty. You’re welcome in advance.

These Days

It was during the early days of the falling gas prices that my lover and I bid one another adieu. There were two groups of people then - the people who were thrilled to fill their tanks for $20, and the folks who walked the thin line between terrified and exultant at what was to come. Oh right, and the indifferent, the unaffected - the homeless, the crackheads, the poorest of the poor, who've been scrounging for food and change for some time already, and would likely be tickled to watch their numbers grow so immensely as to put them in the majority. Make that three groups.

A journalist threw his shoes at President Bush and was arrested and tortured; my ex-lover sent me messages of longing. People all over the world rejoiced that someone put the dumbass in his place, and we wondered why he seemed so adept at ducking from thrown objects. The brave journalist took one for the team and gave us a well-needed chuckle. Underneath the laugh, I ached thinking al-Zaidi was tortured and the man responsible for countless deaths and untold destruction would continue to run free, to his filet mignon dinner and private plane.

A university in Gaza was bombed. Images of dead & bloodied Palestinians made the rounds on the internet. I received a birthday package from my old lover. People were outraged and started planning protests. Others were saddened that this is what it took to incite outrage. They (we) asked, "What about Afghanistan? What about the Congo? What about Iraq? What about right here in the United States?"

But we took to the streets and marched and cried and some of us asked God for peace and some of us asked people for peace. I told people waving the Israeli flag, "I love you, I love them, I love everybody, peace, shalom." Like I did to the Chinese at the Olympic protests demanding freedom for Tibet. Like I will do at every protest from here on out. I love my opposition; we all want the same things. I called my old lover and told him that I love him, that I want to help him be happy, that I want to help him grow.

It's New Year's Eve, now. I have only one resolution: To love more fiercely and inclusively, and to do my best to do what's right. I'm tired of fighting, and I think we can do better than this.

Dear America,

A vote for McCain/Palin '08 is a vote for:

- Neverending war, and all of its ramifications including an increasing deficit and more wounded/dead/psychologically damaged American soldiers, not to mention countless innocent people dying/suffering across the world
- Even more loss of our natural spaces
- Offshore drilling which at best would have the capacity to drop gas prices $0.02 in ten years from now and will leave our beaches slick with oil and full of toxins
- The loss of rights for women to have abortions even in cases of rape & incest
- In all likelihood, the loss of your right to read what you want
- In all likelihood, the loss of unimaginable amounts of civil liberties
- A vice-president whose idea of fun is chasing down wolves in airplanes until they collapse and then hopping out to shoot them in the face
- A president and VP that think Americans are stupid enough to believe that Obama wants your kids to learn about sex before they learn to read (in reality, the "comprehensive sex-ed" he was for was actually about teaching kindergarteners about inappropriate touching from adults. What does this mean? McCain/Palin think pedophiles should have the "freedom" to molest your children! Change! USA! USA!)
- Many, many more unimaginable atrocities that I dare not even dream up

If you still want to vote for the cheerleader who blew her way to the top and her crotchety old grandfather, be my guest! I'll be in Guatemala.

Dude Who's About to Keel Over/Caribou Barbie '08!